Puppies and Painkillers
by DryadSpeaks
Summary: Follow up to All My Dreams chapter 116 and The Smile on Your Face chapter 98.  A little Quartie texting action, with frequent mentions of puppies...and autocorrect.  :D


**A:** Are you still awake? If not…I hope this doesn't wake you.

**Q:** I was just thinking about texting you, but I thought you might be asleep!

**A:** No, I'm Swiss.

**Q:** …You're Swiss? What?

**A:** Awake. Not Swiss. Although I do enjoy their cheese. And chocolate.

**Q:** Ok…

**A:** I can't sleep.

**Q:** And what? You thought texting me might make that happen faster? Am I THAT boring? ;)

**A:** No, I thought texting you might make you somehow materialize in my room RIGHT NIXON!

**Q:** …Nixon?

**A:** NOW! Apparently I fail at catching autocorrect tonight.

**Q:** Are you ok?

**A:** Of course! Why wouldn't I be?

**Q:** Because you missed two autocorrects, and then admitted that you failed at something?

**A:** Oh. Well, I'm fine. My back was a little sore, but I took something, and it's ALL good now, woman!

**Q:** Doesn't that usually make you sleep?

**A:** Yeah…don't know what's going on tonight. But I feel GREAT!

**Q:** Artie…are you high?

**A:** High? No! But my back doesn't hurt anymore.

**Q:** You're high.

**A:** Maybe just a little. If I'm suddenly gone…pissed out.

**Q:** …

**A:** OMG. PASSED. PASSED!

**Q:** Hahaha. You're so cute when you're…high. :P

**A:** Woman, I'm cute ALL THE TIME, regardless!

**Q:** True.

**A:** I have got to come up with a puppy name!

**Q:** Poppy?

**A:** Awww.

**Q:** Lily?

**A:** Awww.

**Q:** Sweetie?

**A:** Yes?

**Q:** …that was a name suggestion. lol

**A:** Oh. Awww.

**Q:** Ok…do you have ANY other response besides that?

**A:** Not really…I copied and pasted to avoid autocorrect errors. Those are all good! Want to hear some of mine?

**Q:** Yes!

**A:** Rosie

**Q:** Awww.

**A:** Blackie

**Q:** Awww.

**A:** Cindy

**Q:** Awww.

**A:** Those are all terrible. I can never have children…think of what their names would be! And why do you keep saying Awww?

**Q:** LOL, Artie! They aren't terrible. And I keep saying that, because I thought that's how you were supposed to respond when someone suggests names.

**A:** You can respond however you want…

**Q:** I was kidding! I wanted to see if it would annoy you. Clearly it didn't.

**A:** Feelin no pain, yo! No auxiliary either!

**Q:** …I'm assuming that was supposed to be annoyance?

**A:** You're so agjeigmuhgjieg.

**Q:** …I'm not even going to try to figure that out.

**A:** How do those things even get in autocorrect? That was supposed to be ABSTINENT!

**Q:** …

**A:** OMG. WTF? AUDITORY!

**Q:** LOL! LOL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**A:** ….ADORABLE. But less so, now that you've laughed at me that much. TWO LOLs AND a HAHAHAHAHA?

**Q:** I'm sorry. But really…LOL!

**A:** You're not sorry!

**Q:** I am. Also…glad your back isn't sore anymore.

**A:** It wouldn't have been sore in the first place, if I had the puppy already.

**Q:** …how does that work? Because it kind of looked like it was sore before you even got home.

**A:** You weren't supposed to notice that.

**Q:** …but I did. And you could have said something…

**A:** OMG. Did I seriously just say that out loud? Rainbows! Kittens! Kittens in little frilly rainbow dresses!

**Q:** You can't distract me with those.

**A:** Are you trying to take advantage of the fact that I'm in a compromising pancake, woman?

**Q:** Ok, first off…LOL. And second…the image of you in a compromising pancake…burned into my mind forever.

**A:** O…M…G.

**Q:** I wish I were there with you in person right now.

**A:** I don't. You'd probably get me to spill all of my national secrets.

**Q:** Thanks. And since when are you a nation? Doesn't something say, "I am an island?" Are you an island nation?

**A:** Are you trying to mess with my drugged mincemeat?

**Q:** Also, no man is an island. And yes…messing with your mincemeat.

**A:** I must be having the most craptastic confirmation ever if it corrected minks to mincemeat!

**Q:** What?

**A:** …COORDINATION…and mind. But I would like a mink right now. They're really soft. My grandma has a coat of them. I'll try to be more careful with my typhoons.

**Q:** I really think you should try to sleep.

**A:** I can't! We haven't picked a puppy name yet!

**Q:** We don't have to do that tonight…it can wait until you're not high.

**A:** Wolverine, I'm not high! I'm just seeing two of my phone.

**Q:** …do you think I look like Hugh Jackman?

**A:** WHAT? No. But he awesome. Why would you think that I think that?

**Q:** …Artie, I really think you should try and sleep.

**A:** I don't need sleep! I'm past the point of sleep.

**Q:** You just said you're seeing two of your phone!

**A:** I'm not wearing my glasses!

**Q:** Then how are you reading this?

**A:** Oh. I am wearing them. I think the puppy should sleep in my bed. At least until she's bigger…less chance of her being rolled on, because I don't move without waking up. Which happens several times each night, so I could check to see if she needs to go outside or cuddle.

**Q:** I just assumed the puppy was sleeping in your bed…

**A:** But I don't want Linds to be sad…so I thought maybe she could swine with her.

**Q:** …ok. They can swine together.

**A:** What?

**Q:** Nothing. Artie…sleep.

**A:** I also still need a wheelchair puppy carrying device.

**Q:** …it's called your lap.

**A:** What if she jumps down and I accidentally run over her?

**Q:** …that's not going to happen. You can train her so she stays. Plus, I know from experience that your lap is the warmest and cosiest place ever…she'll never want to leave.

**A:** And then where will you go?

**Q:** I'm sure we can figure something out for both. She's tiny…we can both cuddle her, and each other.

**A:** Are you going to bring your camel when she comes home?

**Q:** I don't have a camel, but I will bring my camera.

**A:** I haven't got any puppy stuff. Because I haven't asked anyone…and that might send off a red France if I showed up with puppy toys and Tazmanians.

**Q:** We could go get some stuff? And…Tazmanians?

**A:** YES. We need all sorts of things to make sure she's happy. Like…toys. And treats. And food. And EVERYTHING. Because we have nothing for puppies in this house!

**Q:** I'm excited that you're so excited about this.

**A:** I can't wait. This is like…one of the top five best things ever. Along with you, the fam, chocolate, and doing things in the name of science.

**Q:** :) Do you want to go puppy shopping tomorrow?

**Q:** Or should we wait until you have her, so we can make sure we get the right stuff?

**Q:** Artie?

**Q:** Hello?

**Q:** I'm assuming you're passed out. Good night! I hope you saved all those texts, so you can read them in the morning…if you haven't got them…I have them ALL.

**Q:** I never get to have the last word. This is amazing. Now I know why you like it so much.

**Q:** Ok…going to sleep now. Night! Love you!

**A/N: Follows **_**All My Dreams**_** chapter 116 and **_**The Smile on Your Face**_** chapter 98.**

**Hope you enjoyed! :) These are SO much fun to write!**


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